Miscarriage Recovery – 4 Tips That Will Help

It may seem as if your world is crashing right before your eyes, you do not know how to take any of what is happening in, and you are just flat out confused…how could this happen to me? I did everything by the book and right? Your head spinning a million miles a minute.

I am here to say, I have been there. Sitting in the room with my husband during the COVID-19 Pandemic, excited that we are pregnant, already downloaded ALL the apps, and I mean ALL the apps. But when the room goes silent and the ultrasound tech keeps asking questions about your last period, and I had way too much knowledge as to what I should be seeing and hearing…I knew something was wrong. However, it was my husband that said something first, I guess I was in denial that a miscarriage could ever happen to me. Well, I am here to say…again, it happened to me and I am sorry if it has happened to you.

Here are some things that helped me get through my miscarriage and look forward to the future.

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Understand that it is not your fault.

I think this was the hardest part for me. Truly understand that IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. Things happen that are out of our control, after you settle in with your emotions of what truly is happening remind yourself that this is not something that you did. In my head I kept thinking, it was because I ran on the treadmill and maybe the bouncing was not right. My husband kept thinking, it was because we had sex (and he thought he hit the baby in the head…a little humor here but seriously that’s what he thought…is it bad to say he wishes?). As I said, this was the hardest part for me to truly grasp. I had chosen to take Misoprostol to release whatever did not release on its own and during the whole process I was a wreck and kept asking myself “what did I do, to make this happen?” News flash to the past me (and I hope to you), I could not have done anything to keep this horrible thing from happening. It happened and it gets easier.

Here is a book that helped me realize that it was truly ok that I was not ok at that time, click here to purchase!

You are not alone, even if you may think so.

I have worked in Labor and Delivery, I also still work in the healthcare industry… I had NO idea how common miscarriages really are until I had one. When your physician or midwife is telling you that it’s ok it happens to a lot of people, and you low-key want to scream and kick something just know that according to the March of Dimes, 10-15 out of 100 pregnancies end in miscarriage. That is 10-15%!!

During the time of this type of loss, it was really hard for me to even wrap my mind around having a miscarriage, then I started to talk about it to some people…come to find out my own mom had one, and just never told me! A lot of friends that I have known for years started coming forward telling me their stories and it helped me think about what happened a little more logically. Although, I will say I am a very emotional human and I am pretty sure I cried every day in the shower till the loss was all over and out of me (medically). One of my best friends unfortunately also had suffered her own loss a few short months after me and as crappy as it is to be in the same situation we truly became each others sounding boards. I started looking up some Facebook support groups, but those weren’t really for me. What helped me ‘heal’ and see that I was not alone is I started telling people and talking to my friends about what happened and they started opening up about their stories or individuals they know who have gone through the same thing. I started to build a community because those that have not gone through it don’t really get it. They are sympathetic and there for you, but it is hard to feel like a mom from the second you see a positive on that pregnancy test and then feel as if it all gets ripped away from you until you have really felt that loss. Again, I do not want anyone to ever feel that loss…but people don’t really get it unless they have gone through it.

Recovery is key.

Mentally and physically a miscarriage is tolling. Take time to heal, eat the crappy food you want to eat that makes you feel better, watch the RomCom that will make you laugh, sleep endless hours under your cozy blanket, and just chill. Take the time to truly recover. My guilty pleasure at that time was eating quesadillas from Chipotle and then making sure I was hitting up therapy every week. I remember my boss at the time told me to eat whatever I wanted, and make sure to laugh at least once a day…bless her she had gone through a miscarriage multiple times and totally had my back with grieving, plus taking the time I needed to heal. I pretty much lived under this blanket, it was super cozy and made me feel like I was constantly being hugged. I used these masks for some self-care, and then these sheet masks for some giggles + smooth skin.

Give your body the love it needs and deserves.

Ever hear that song, Your Body is a Wonderland? Well, it is! Treat it like it is too! Don’t be mad at your body for what is happening, this takes me back to understand that this is not your fault! Do all the self-care, take walks around your block just to get some air, give yourself some daily affirmations to remind yourself that you are a bad a$$ bish who is going to get through this horrible situation and life will be beautiful on the other side! As hard as it may be to stay positive during this time, just remember that love that you already had for that little baby inside of you will happen again. You may not forget this moment, but the bright moments that are going to happen for you will make all the hardship worth it. Trust yourself, trust the healing and grieving process, and you will get through this!

It really helped me when I made a tribute to the loss, I personally have tattoos and they have meanings. I have been wanting an anatomical heart tattooed on my forearm forever, but had no true reason to have ‘my heart on my sleeve’ till the miscarriage. I found a fine line artist and told her my story, and that helped ME give my body the love that it needed, and mentally it helped me a lot. I now have a constant reminder of what I went through, but also how I overcame that loss and became a stronger person.

I do hope these tips helped you a little with your grieving process. Although grieving is not the same for everyone, these are some tips that had helped me get through this hard time. I would love to hear your story and what tips you may have, in the comments below! My heart goes out to you and your loved ones that are dealing with such a loss just know a lot of people have been there and you are not alone <3